…because we’re so used to searching online. Searching for something that we don’t even know we’re searching for. Half the time, we’re looking for connections and entertainment, and blindly we lose touch of what we’re supposed to be doing, whatever that is. To me, it’s building relationships, constantly learning for the sake of others.

Trust me when I say that I’m on no high-horse. I hate heights, and I probably suck at controlling such a beast figuratively speaking. Every day, however, I do rack my brain and configure my heart to live a selfless life for the sake of others. That’s what I value.

Five major influences of my upbringing and ongoing:

1. My parents
2. Mr. Rogers
3. Church
4. School
5. Hip-hop culture

The first four may be up there for obvious reasons, but hip-hop culture has exposed me to elements of expression such as  rhyming, dancing, and even fashion, all of which I still participate in today. When I was 4 years-old, Run DMC was on Reading Rainbow rapping and telling kids how cool it is to read and learn.  I wanted to be like them.

Hip-Hop Influence

KANYE WEST:

The College Dropout (2004)

In 2003, I heard Kanye West’s first single as a rapper Through the Wire. There was something about the lyrics and conviction of the song that made me believe that he was far above what was currently popular and different from anything I have ever heard (probably because he did the whole song with his jaw wired shut).

The next two singles All Falls Down and Jesus Walks from his first album The College Dropout showed transparency and even a bold belief in Jesus. I listened to the rest of the album and officially became a fan.

Throughout the years Kanye found himself in political, musical, and other public controversy. His music evolved, and I loved it. His attitude changed, and it made me grind my teeth or sigh deeply.

Today, I don’t know what to think about Mr. West. He recently cancelled a huge tour this past Fall 2009 as he explained that he needed to do some “soul searching.”

We’re at war with terrorism, racism, and most of all, we’re at war with ourselves.

- Kanye West (in Jesus Walks 2004)

I wish Kanye the best and also hope that Jesus does walk with him just as he had hoped before.

B.o.B aka BOBBY RAY:

B.o.B presents The Adventures of Bobby Ray (2010)

With the rap game and mainstream music flooded with auto-tuned club-bangers, B.o.B has brought a refreshing vibe of what hip-hop used to sound like. My peers have compared him to Andre 3000 of Outkast and Ludacris. I confidently agree. B.o.B’s album B.o.B Presents: The Adventures of Bobby Ray shows true talent compared to the music out right now. He collaborates with musicians and artists outside of hip-hop while staying true to its roots. He sings ballads, plays instruments, and can even be “‘hood” when he wants being from Atlanta and all.

I’ve been telling my friends that B.o.B is exactly what the game needs. His release into the music world struck a nerve in me as it was the same sensation and relief I felt when Kanye first arrived on the scene. However, knowing what has happened to Kanye so far, I fear what may become of B.o.B.

You can listen to his album and read his lyrics at his official site.

But look it’s plain to see
Aint nothing in this game gon’ be changing me
I’ma always be B – o to the B me me

-B.o.B (in Fame)

B.o.B is among the few artistic inspirations in my life right now.

I’ve looked up to a lot of people in my life, placing them on pedestals. Eventually, they fell, and if they haven’t fallen yet, they soon will one way or another.

LESSON LEARNED: Stop putting people on pedestals. They probably wouldn’t want to be on one anyway, and if they did, that should be a huge RED FLAG about their character.

People, materials, and situations will let you down in life, heroes and all. Does this give us an excuse to pre-judge or assume the worst in them? No way. Think about all the times people have given you another chance after screwing up BIG TIME. Remember how embarrassed and humbled you felt? It’s ok.

Despite our upbringing and inspirations, we all fall down.

NOW GET UP.

This is what it means to be human.

Pass it on.

What’s your inspiration? What’s your expression outlet? You are the product of creativity and purpose. Continue the cycle by being creative and purposeful.

Here’s a poem I wrote about how our passions have been instilled in us and are supposed to make us who we are meant to be when we express them and live them out. God knows our hearts.

Written October 2008.
Expressed April 25, 2010.

inspired by the phrase “Sing us a song, and we’ll sing it back to you.” by Paramore

Ok so it looks like I’m a little “Hayley Crazy,” BUT I only used this video for innocents’ sake. I’ll admit it’s a great and possibly timeless melody, which may land itself among Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing, Bon Jovi’s Livin’ On a Prayer, or any other karaoke party anthem out there.   The original arrangement by Lady Gaga is a smash-hit, people-mover.  There’s also the slower ballad cover by 30 Seconds to Mars, that gives Bad Romance a very dark and adult (yes, more adult than Gaga’s lyrically speaking) vibe.

So I slipped past the melody, looked at the lyrics, and then wiki’ed the meaning of the song on Wikipedia.com.  There you can find a quote by Lady Gaga from an interview with MTV. About the song, she states:

What I’m really trying to say is I want the deepest, darkest, sickest parts of you that you are afraid to share with anyone because I love you that much.

While I generally don’t agree with Lady Gaga’s ways, this time I may see eye-to-eye with The Fame Monster (Let’s hope this monster only has two eyes).

I’ve seen toooooooooooooo many (romantic) relationships ruined because one person thinks they can change the other. “You should do this…you should do that…should…should…should….”

I’m guilty of this. I’ve played both the victim and the suspect at one point, and have found out that it’s not as beneficial as I thought it would be. Nobody wants to be controlled, but everyone wants to control.

So where does the change come in?  Compromise, sacrifice, and selflessness must be realized and put into practice. Just like in any team situation, the goal is to be successful as a team, not as an individual. If a relationship is to be successful, those involved need to come to a clear understanding of where the relationship is going, and make self-adjustments and self-improvements from there. Change for the sake of the common goal (i.e. marriage and life together). Live by example and not just by words. To do this without trying to change each other is difficult, but highly recommended. Relationships and romance are a learning process. Never stop learning.

This so called “bad romance” can be something beautiful.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Hebrews Chapter 11

1 a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1) : fidelity to one’s promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
2 a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust
3 : something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs <the Protestant faith>

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

We think we know what faith is, but we usually just make up our own definition for words that have been around for a while. The definitions above are a couple of the most credible and consistent definitions for “faith” known to us.

In regards to Faith vs Fantasy, recently I was listening to a song called Brick By Boring Brick (BBBB) by a popular band named Paramore.  At first, I didn’t understand the song, causing me to not really agree with what was being said. So I researched what lead singer Hayley Williams wrote in her published journal explaining what the song is about:

“I believe it’s important to stay young at heart. To have faith in what might seem impossible and to have goals beyond your current ambitions or temporary means. However, there is a huge difference, to me anyways, between acknowledging your dreams and never living in reality. Some people are so scared of being boring- so insecure with who they might be- that they build up this huge lie, it’s all one big distraction. For not only the on-lookers but for their self. To me, it is a selfish way to live. A great means of defense. But selfish nonetheless. I’ve been hurt by this lifestyle. Hurt by people I barely know. I’ve even been guilty of living this way. It’s so common. I’m glad that I’ve found some words to finally speak up about it.

A brick is such a traditional, tired and plain boring representation of solidity. I wanted the whole song to have this sort of fairy tale vibe… only to twist the point I’m trying to make in the song which is, ‘Stop living in a fake fairytale… like, WAKE UP!’ When thinking how I could really get that across in the song I decided I’d use a house. Someone’s safe place, even in a fairy tale… you can’t forge a refuge out of magic & fairy dust. You gotta build it just as real and as solid as a stupid old brick.”

What really won me over were the lyrics to the bridge that I guess just “clicked” one day:

If it’s not real
You can’t hold it in your hand
You can’t feel it with your heart
And I won’t believe it
But if it’s true
You can see it with your eyes
Or even in the dark

WOW. That’s when I realized that it’s in agreement with the definitions above. So there’s a difference between faith and fantasy.  This message needs to be heard.

Here’s Paramore making sure it’s heard:

Intimately:

Overcoming “Stage Fright” doesn’t always require drastic leaps of action.  Most times all it takes is one small task for you to get the ball rolling: make a phone call, share your vision with someone who’d support you, ask an honest question for an honest answer, or just write something down.  This creates what most people are scared of: accountability. Don’t let the accountability stop you. Let it fuel you.  This is how potential turns kinetic!  This.Is.Progress.  Believe it or not, people want to see you succeed.   Imagine how much more they’d back you, when honesty is involved in the process. You have value in what you bring. How much are you willing to believe in it so others will too? You can do this.

If you can make it this far, you have already done more than most people.

"Stage Fright" drawn by Randy Robledo

so yeah…

SO YEAH…These were my initial thoughts that I had written on the subject of Stage Fright when I first sat down to brainstorm about this series. These lines began to surface as I related elements of life and performing. It all somehow came to this. It’s also a look at my thought process.

Thanks to Mike Wofford for producing the track, Ronald Suk for directing, and Janet E. Esposito for writing a life-changing book.

Stage Fright from So Yeah on Vimeo.

The stage is set
People are waiting
Time to be real in a world of actors
Performers
Performing life or just passing by
It’s a hyped up show
Expectations
Anticipation for the sake of passing time
Entertainment
Where are we going with this?
Conversation material to materialize?
Stimulate their senses
Eyes, ears, hear, and mind
Detachment vs Engagement
You vs Them
Who’s your real audience?
Be honest
Premature self-evaluation can kill the sense of passion and basis
Fear: Volunteered or obligated?
Put on the spot
In the spotlight
Step up to the mic
Cheeks red
Skin pale white
Cotton mouth chokehold
A deep breath
For momentum to take flight
You can do this
Prove ‘em wrong
Leave ‘em stunned
The stage is set
This is your life

(to be continued)

During my initial interest and perspectives on stage fright, I wondered what others pictured when they thought of the concept.  My artistic friend, Michea, jumped on the idea and sketched this up.  Allow me to translate some of the components in this depiction of stage fright and its ties with life.

The Spotlight:  Being put on the spot is a situation that many dread. Imagine how many times you had to think about what you would say to someone when they asked “What will you do now?” during a major life transition.  There are numerous figurative and actual symptoms one can have under pressure:

• Accelerated heart rate
• Shortness of breath
• Sweating
• Trembling or shaking
• Choked up feeling
• Dizziness
• Self-detatchment
• Confusion or unassuredness

The Judge: Self-judgement can also be called “labeling.”  Criticizing ourselves or others with negative lables like “loser” or “weak” puts us in the position as a judge dropping the gavel on one’s potential, including our own.  Judging also causes us to disqualify any positive accomplishments or qualities that can be offered.

…many performers face a parallel fear related to the similar issue of being the focus of others’ attention and having their performance evaluated.

Janet E. Esposito author of In The SpotLight

Janet states the obvious, but how often would we admit it so elaborately?

Before getting into any meat of this subject, I want to clarify that when I refer to “performance,” I am referring not only to an actual stage act, but moreover a life act. The parallels between these two acts are significant, and I hope to point them out to ultimately better understand ourselves in each of them.

What first sparked my interest in this subject was when my former employer recently eliminated my job position.  While I empathize with those who lost their jobs along with me, I can say that I was a little less worried than most.  I had nothing definite planned for a career, and I had no idea what I even wanted to do next. All I knew was that I was not only ready to move on but excited as well.  In the pot of mixed emotions, these words would not dissolve: The stage is set.

So it’s on to the next act.

I get stage fright.

I hesitate.

I fear.

Willpower has to overcome.

Though I am not too clear about it, I will admit that I am progressing to my next career and more importantly, my calling.  I often check-in with myself and ask why I’m not more proactive as it seems that my stage is already set.  There are a few reasons.  Before getting into these reasons I want to share what I try I ask myself daily:

• What do I want to do?
• Why do I want to do it?
• How close am I to doing it?
• What is stopping me today?
• How will I overcome it today?
• Am I being honest with myself?

It doesn’t matter where you are in your pursuit of your dreams and goals as long as you’re pressing towards them. Some may believe that the pursuit itself is living the dream.  You may agree with this, or you may not. That is fine.  I just want to point out that if your stage is set, be honest with yourself about where you are in regards to your next act. I, myself, am working on this too. The show must go on, and I want to be included.

so yeah…

To be continued

So many dreams I’d like to forget
The moment I wake, I wanna sleep again

-Lover’s Anthem by Paper Route

Ever wake up to a harsh reality after an intense dream?

After experiencing James Cameron’s motion picture Avatar, my ability to articulate my feelings was shattered. Hours passed, and in an instant the shards of emotions came together.  Watching the film reminded me of every vivid and virtually tangible dream I can remember, even ones from over twenty years ago.  Throughout my life, I have a handful of dreams when at the time of slumber, seemed real to me, causing me to wake up in panic, excitement, sorrow, and even relief, and to this day, I can still remember the feeling, sight, and sound of these specific dream sequences.

The emotions elicited by these dreams were extreme. Some situations would be: casual and personal hang-outs and sessions with popular musicians and inspiring artists, the death of a loved one, an ex-girlfriend wanting to reconcile after a recent break-up in reality, meeting female celebrity crushes,  having the ability to fly, or finally breaking through to someone who has been closed-offto me.

Waking up to a reality where none of this is true, I would angrily and bitterly react by striking my bed or pillow, and ask (God) out loud “WHY?” as in “Why would you allow this to happen? What’s the point of all of this; this emotional tease which ends in emotional conflict which I have to deal with in reality and conscious mind?!”

Tired of dealing with this alone, I sought someone to confide in as I expressed my distress. I learned this lesson which I now hold valuable:

Dreams are like unforeseen (or even tragic) events which may occur.  They are beyond our control, and we rarely know exactly why they happen. However, we still have the ability to treat them like any other questionable circumstance in our lives, and just like any other uncontrollable situation, we need to wake up and realize what we can control, such as the ability to choose. How will you respond? We have a choice in the aftermath of almost any circumstance thrown at us. We can learn from dreams, we can let them haunt us, or we can think nothing of them, moving forward. Because in reality:

1) I did not have lunch with Michelle Branch and Avril Lavigne at the peak of their career.

2) My my father is still alive.

3) My ex-girlfriend at the time did not give me another chance.

4) I will probably never speak a word to any of my celebrity crushes.

5) I cannot fly.

6) I still need to work on the relationships with the people I care about no matter how long it takes for a breakthrough.

7) I am not a giant blue person from an indigenous tribe that can fly on giant prehistoric animals living in a glow-in-the-dark forrest.

REALITY CHECK.

Though old ghosts still haunt me, I have learned to appreciate what I do have in my life, where I currently am, and even more importantly, where I will be heading. So in a way, I am thankful for a movie like Avatar as it has allowed me to get a tighter grip on reality, which sometimes to me is…unreal.

So yeah…

-Marlon Reid

Written January 8, 2010