Tag Archives: fear

Amazing Gracie

20 Feb

As I descended the stairs, the hostile man in front of me turned around and spit on my shoes with no provocation. There was no reasoning with him. It was clear that he wanted to fight. This was a familiar situation, and I knew what I had to do in order to neutralize him after having a one-on-one with the one of the world’s greatest not but two days ago.

“I’ve only had one lesson. I need to go back. Looks like I can only use what I know. Is it enough?!”

I distanced myself, readied my hands and body, and has he rushed in…

I woke up in my bed room.

There was no cold sweat nor was there fear but rather a desire to learn more from these guys:

Ryron Gracie (left) and Rener Gracie (right)

Kristal surprised me with a late birthday gift and was able to arrange a private Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu lesson (BJJ) between me and one of the best-in-class Gracie brothers, Ryron (he-ron) at the Gracie Jiu-Jitsu Academy in Torrance, CA.

Ryron Gracie

All within an hour, Ryron taught me practical defenses and offenses to keep myself sustained in a street fight. It was also made clear that when people want to fight, I have few options:

  1. Run

  2. Get beat up

  3. Control the fight

Rolling with Ryron

There is no telling how good I would be at #3, but I would like to improve. After waking from my dream, I remember feeling a deep need to learn more BJJ, especially with all of the bullying and unpredictability in the world. Kristal and I even talked about doing this together after the wedding, and we agreed that when we do, we would know where to go.

 

-SO YEAH

 

Back to Life

8 Jun

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don’t know
This weakness I feel I must finally show

Awake My Soul – Mumford & Sons

I blame my job.

Lately, focusing on anything creative seems impossible, and it’s downright depressing when I compare my creative output now to how expressive I was during my unemployment stint last year.

It’s a wonderful job though, and I should never complain.

White collar? Yes.

Medical? Yes.

The perks? Goodness!

It’s not like my job is 24/7. I’d say it’s more like 12/6, and it’s hard for me to be intentional with my writing. At the end of my work days, I’m exhausted and just want to numb my brain with TV or online social networks.

So yeah…This two month drought of blogging, writing, and vlogging has been a perpetual guilt trip in my gut for a few reasons.

  1. I feel like I’ve lost “it.” “It” being anything such as profound insight, sound reasoning, or  creative expression.
  2. This leads into a “I have nothing valuable to share so my life must be so…boring” self-evaluation.
  3. Which concludes the overall opinion about myself “The messenger is dead.” Well not dead, probably just sleepy or slothful. No. wait. Here’s one: APATHETIC.

Solution? Awake the messenger, and revitalize him.

But how?

  • Remind him of the things he’s passionate.
  • Tell him to be himself. People will ridicule, disagree, or treasure, but that shouldn’t make him shy away.
  • Also, tell him to surround himself with wise and creative counsel. Prolonged isolation can be dangerous.
  • Sit down and be proactively express.
  • Share this blog post…

 

 

Stage Fright: The Stage

23 Feb

…many performers face a parallel fear related to the similar issue of being the focus of others’ attention and having their performance evaluated.

Janet E. Esposito author of In The SpotLight

Janet states the obvious, but how often would we admit it so elaborately?

Before getting into any meat of this subject, I want to clarify that when I refer to “performance,” I am referring not only to an actual stage act, but moreover a life act. The parallels between these two acts are significant, and I hope to point them out to ultimately better understand ourselves in each of them.

What first sparked my interest in this subject was when my former employer recently eliminated my job position.  While I empathize with those who lost their jobs along with me, I can say that I was a little less worried than most.  I had nothing definite planned for a career, and I had no idea what I even wanted to do next. All I knew was that I was not only ready to move on but excited as well.  In the pot of mixed emotions, these words would not dissolve: The stage is set.

So it’s on to the next act.

I get stage fright.

I hesitate.

I fear.

Willpower has to overcome.

Though I am not too clear about it, I will admit that I am progressing to my next career and more importantly, my calling.  I often check-in with myself and ask why I’m not more proactive as it seems that my stage is already set.  There are a few reasons.  Before getting into these reasons I want to share what I try I ask myself daily:

  • What do I want to do?
  • Why do I want to do it?
  • How close am I to doing it?
  • What is stopping me today?
  • How will I overcome it today?
  • Am I being honest with myself?

It doesn’t matter where you are in your pursuit of your dreams and goals as long as you’re pressing towards them. Some may believe that the pursuit itself is living the dream.  You may agree with this, or you may not. That is fine.  I just want to point out that if your stage is set, be honest with yourself about where you are in regards to your next act. I, myself, am working on this too. The show must go on, and I want to be included.

so yeah…

To be continued