Tag Archives: Paper Route

Carousel

8 Oct

We’ve all been caught up in the same vicious cycle of relationship issues.

At some point, we become disoriented, tired of running in circles only to face the inevitable:

  1. resolve and continue or
  2. call it quits.

I’ve been in relationships that could’ve lasted for a long time, and I’ve been in relationships that lasted for years only to fall apart for various typical reasons because all I did was sweep problems under the rug. Sometimes I’d ask “If I had acted this way instead of that way, would we still be together?” The tardy questions  and the “yes/no/maybe” answers didn’t really matter at that point. It was too late.

The only healthy choice I could make was to move on and reestablish my identity.

you and i
are gonna get it right
don’t let me go
it takes two
to make a leader but
one has to follow
-
help me
help me understand
what we’ve become
we fell apart
and then proceeded to
both play the victim
on and on and on we go just like a carousel that’s lost control
we don’t know why, we don’t know why we go, we go, we go in circles
I want you
more than anything
just as you’re leaving
for every wound
there’s an apology
that’s lost it’s meaning
-
you and I
i think we’re better off
without each other
the last ride
the unavoidable
keeps getting farther

on and on and on we spin to find an end where we begin
we don’t know why, we don’t know why we go we go we go in circles

-Paper Route

So Real

22 Jan

So many dreams I’d like to forget
The moment I wake, I wanna sleep again

-Lover’s Anthem by Paper Route

Ever wake up to a harsh reality after an intense dream?

After experiencing James Cameron’s motion picture Avatar, my ability to articulate my feelings was shattered. Hours passed, and in an instant the shards of emotions came together.  Watching the film reminded me of every vivid and virtually tangible dream I can remember, even ones from over twenty years ago.  Throughout my life, I have a handful of dreams when at the time of slumber, seemed real to me, causing me to wake up in panic, excitement, sorrow, and even relief, and to this day, I can still remember the feeling, sight, and sound of these specific dream sequences.

The emotions elicited by these dreams were extreme. Some situations would be: casual and personal hang-outs and sessions with popular musicians and inspiring artists, the death of a loved one, an ex-girlfriend wanting to reconcile after a recent break-up in reality, meeting female celebrity crushes,  having the ability to fly, or finally breaking through to someone who has been closed-offto me.

Waking up to a reality where none of this is true, I would angrily and bitterly react by striking my bed or pillow, and ask (God) out loud “WHY?” as in “Why would you allow this to happen? What’s the point of all of this; this emotional tease which ends in emotional conflict which I have to deal with in reality and conscious mind?!”

Tired of dealing with this alone, I sought someone to confide in as I expressed my distress. I learned this lesson which I now hold valuable:

Dreams are like unforeseen (or even tragic) events which may occur.  They are beyond our control, and we rarely know exactly why they happen. However, we still have the ability to treat them like any other questionable circumstance in our lives, and just like any other uncontrollable situation, we need to wake up and realize what we can control, such as the ability to choose. How will you respond? We have a choice in the aftermath of almost any circumstance thrown at us. We can learn from dreams, we can let them haunt us, or we can think nothing of them, moving forward. Because in reality:

1) I did not have lunch with Michelle Branch and Avril Lavigne at the peak of their career.

2) My my father is still alive.

3) My ex-girlfriend at the time did not give me another chance.

4) I will probably never speak a word to any of my celebrity crushes.

5) I cannot fly.

6) I still need to work on the relationships with the people I care about no matter how long it takes for a breakthrough.

7) I am not a giant blue person from an indigenous tribe that can fly on giant prehistoric animals living in a glow-in-the-dark forrest.

REALITY CHECK.

Though old ghosts still haunt me, I have learned to appreciate what I do have in my life, where I currently am, and even more importantly, where I will be heading. So in a way, I am thankful for a movie like Avatar as it has allowed me to get a tighter grip on reality, which sometimes to me is…unreal.

So yeah…

-Marlon Reid

Written January 8, 2010