Tag Archives: relationships

Father’s Time

21 Mar

Retired and Repaired

There’s a realization that hit me like a ton of feathers after my dad retired from sales last year: his watches from the 80′s are back in style! The thin-banded, small-faced moon watches are fashionable once again. Taking a shot in the dark, I asked if I could borrow one, and he willingly said, “Here, take care of all of them, but let me get them repaired for you first.”

It felt like I was in one of those corny Hollywood scenes where the dad passes down a watch or an heirloom to his son while imparting some type of responsibility or life lesson at the same time.

But I guess that’s what all sons and fathers desire: time with one another or something valued and shared within the relationship that can be passed down and cherished. We don’t want quarreling or bickering. No one asks for that. We want time that’s worth remembering.


Open Life

7 Feb

Photography by Amber Asaly

Amber, we love you.




Channel Surfing

5 Nov


DVR technology and an ongoing break from Facebook has freed up more time for me to get into some good intentional reading for personal development.


Let Justice Roll Down by John M. Perkins: A true civil rights story about redemption and forgiveness.

Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs: Two of the most practical yet overlooked concepts for any relationship. If I could only afford to buy this book for everyone I know who is in a serious relationship or is seeking to understand one…

Wooden: On Leadership by John Wooden and Steve Jamison: The winningest coach in college basketball shares applicable leadership qualities that all start with a foundation of “good habits.”

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield: Fighting the resistance that is keeping you from doing what you have already envisioned. You don’t need more inspiration or more time. Just do it.

The goal is to finish these books before Christmas in addition to reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins.

It looks I’ll have plenty to share for those “White Elephant Gift” parties during the holidays.

At least I will be paying forward enriching substance and not all trash on the Internet and TV.


19 Feb

So I got engaged.

Don’t worry. It wasn’t TOO mushy.



8 Oct

We’ve all been caught up in the same vicious cycle of relationship issues.

At some point, we become disoriented, tired of running in circles only to face the inevitable:

  1. resolve and continue or
  2. call it quits.

I’ve been in relationships that could’ve lasted for a long time, and I’ve been in relationships that lasted for years only to fall apart for various typical reasons because all I did was sweep problems under the rug. Sometimes I’d ask “If I had acted this way instead of that way, would we still be together?” The tardy questions  and the “yes/no/maybe” answers didn’t really matter at that point. It was too late.

The only healthy choice I could make was to move on and reestablish my identity.

you and i
are gonna get it right
don’t let me go
it takes two
to make a leader but
one has to follow
help me
help me understand
what we’ve become
we fell apart
and then proceeded to
both play the victim
on and on and on we go just like a carousel that’s lost control
we don’t know why, we don’t know why we go, we go, we go in circles
I want you
more than anything
just as you’re leaving
for every wound
there’s an apology
that’s lost it’s meaning
you and I
i think we’re better off
without each other
the last ride
the unavoidable
keeps getting farther

on and on and on we spin to find an end where we begin
we don’t know why, we don’t know why we go we go we go in circles

-Paper Route

Guys and Gadgets

19 Aug

Sometimes the quick advancements of technology frustrate me. When you’re walking out of the front door of a store with a new phone, computer, MP3 player, television, or any other electronic gadget, retailers are already loading in the newer and better devices in the back. Luckily, being a part of “Generation Y” or “The Millennials” gives people like me a higher adaptability due to our affinity for the new goods. My parents and most “baby boomers” however, are getting left behind in the technological world. All they want is a cell phone that can be used for talking and texting (for the more advanced), and they hold on to it until the buttons fall off. We millennials, are more likely to do heavy research on a new phone, weigh the pros and cons about the features, bells, and whistles, and then “commit” to a new two-year contract.

Then what happens? A few weeks or months later, we see something new or different and then start to second (or third or fourth) guess our decision figuring out how much or how long it would take to get out of our contract.

Ah yes. The notion for my way, right away. The mentality of in-demand on-demand to cover up the buyer’s remorse.


Two years ago I sat next to an elderly couple on an airplane. They spoke civilly and were very considerate towards each other  in their actions. After seeing such appropriate display of affection, I mustered up the courage to speak, and it went something like this.

Me: Excuse me, I hope you don’t mind me asking…uhh…’How long have you been married?”

Husband: Well it’s been 43 years.

Me: Wow. Do you have any advice for people my age on how to sustain a marriage for so long?

Wife: Well you have to communicate  and talk things through.

Husband: You find your mate, make a decision, and commit to her no matter how hard things get. There will be hard times, but stick with it…

Being in my late 20′s, the talk of marriage isn’t far from my lips. The same goes for some of my guy friends. We talk about the concept of marriage and our current bf/gf relationships that we’re in (but not IN-in as if we’re already married). We have problems and issues with girlfriends and whether or not the relationships are worth keeping. After all, we didn’t sign a contract right?

My fear is that we become so instinctive to dispose of what we want when we want, that we treat our relationships the same way. Women are obviously worth more than any material item to purchase, and we should choose wisely who we want to commit to and do just that: make a sound decision and stick with it. No matter what you decide, there will always be something or someone out there with different features, bells, whistles, hairstyle, skin, talent, etc. There will be malfunctions and misunderstandings. These things are inevitable. Does that give us the right to run? Yes? No? Maybe? I’m curious to know what others think.

I know there are legitimate and healthy reasons for divorce and separation, and in no way am I saying that all relationships can be transformed into rainbows and butterflies. That’s just ignorant. Moreover, even if bad decisions were made either to begin or end the relationship, I believe God can work all things for the better somehow some way.

Again, I’m reminded about that elderly couple on the airplane who signed that contract and committed to each other for life despite their “buttons falling off” for the past 43 years. They saw value in each other decades ago and didn’t let go of that no matter how the times changed. Nowadays we get so short-sighted due to the influx of immediate options out there, the thought of anything lasting more than two years or more scares us. As for me and any contract I sign or commitment I make, I just want to be faithful to the end. I hope others can agree with me. Let’s help keep each other accountable.

Here’s one of my favorite songs and lyrics about this subject by hip-hop artist, Common:


Faithful to the end
(We got to be)
Faithful to the end
(I want to be)
Faithful to the end
I’m like her
Very best friend

Yes, this for the people … God moves

I was rolling around, in my mind it occurred
What if God was a Her?
Would I treat her the same?
Would I still be runnin’ game on Her?
In what type of ways would I want Her?
Would I want her for her mind
Or her heavnly body
Couldn’t be out here bogus
With someone so godly
If I was wit her would I still be wantin’ my ex
The lies, the greed, the weed, the sex
Wouldn’t be ashamed to give Her part of my check
Wearing a cross, I mean Her heart on my neck
Her I would refelct
On the streets of the Chi
Ride with her. cause I know for me, she’d die
Though good and bad
Call on her like I’m chirpin Her
Couldn’t be jealous
Cause other brothers worship Her
Walk this Earth for Her
Glory I’m grateful to be in Her presence
I try to stay faithful

Faithful to the end
Faithful to the end
Faithful to the end
I’m like her
Very best friend

He worked with her
She was this lady’s best friend.
Even if they do try, some ladies test men
And this was a test that was bigger than him.
Some believe it’s the nature that’s givin him in
He had a good gig, a wife, a kid, a decent home.
One reason or another, couldn’t find peace at home
She asked, “Why do men always have to stray?”
He said, “I’m bad, but not as bad as Eric Benet.”
I used to take them out to eat
But they weren’t really eatin’
Might have got a little head
But I wadn’t really cheatin’
It’s hard when your lady don’t believe what you sayin
What you did in the past you gotta live with today
She asked if they could spend the night together
He thought and said, “I’m tryin’ to get my life together.”
Went home to his lady
And these were his confessions
“Baby, you a blessin’ and my best friend.”

Faithful to the end
Faithful to the end
Faithful to the end
I’m like her
Very best friend

Ok Gaga: A Bad Romance

19 Apr

Ok so it looks like I’m a little “Hayley Crazy,” BUT I only used this video for innocents’ sake. I’ll admit it’s a great and possibly timeless melody, which may land itself among Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing, Bon Jovi’s Livin’ On a Prayer, or any other karaoke party anthem out there.   The original arrangement by Lady Gaga is a smash-hit, people-mover.  There’s also the slower ballad cover by 30 Seconds to Mars, that gives Bad Romance a very dark and adult (yes, more adult than Gaga’s lyrically speaking) vibe.

So I slipped past the melody, looked at the lyrics, and then wiki’ed the meaning of the song on Wikipedia.com.  There you can find a quote by Lady Gaga from an interview with MTV. About the song, she states:

What I’m really trying to say is I want the deepest, darkest, sickest parts of you that you are afraid to share with anyone because I love you that much.

While I generally don’t agree with Lady Gaga’s ways, this time I may see eye-to-eye with The Fame Monster (Let’s hope this monster only has two eyes).

Bad Romance

I’ve seen toooooooooooooo many (romantic) relationships ruined because one person thinks they can change the other. “You should do this…you should do that…should…should…should….”

I’m guilty of this. I’ve played both the victim and the suspect at one point, and have found out that it’s not as beneficial as I thought it would be. Nobody wants to be controlled, but everyone wants to control.

So where does the change come in?  Compromise, sacrifice, and selflessness must be realized and put into practice. Just like in any team situation, the goal is to be successful as a team, not as an individual. If a relationship is to be successful, those involved need to come to a clear understanding of where the relationship is going, and make self-adjustments and self-improvements from there. Change for the sake of the common goal (i.e. marriage and life together). Live by example and not just by words. To do this without trying to change each other is difficult, but highly recommended. Relationships and romance are a learning process. Never stop learning.

This so called “bad romance” can be something beautiful.